Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Jonathan's Inheritance

Like Jonathan,  I was raised to rule. Leadership, for me, has not necessarily been an ambition, but rather a habit I learned early on. I led everything I was a part of, by default, as if it was expected. Clubs, teams, jobs. President, captain, manager.  But like Jonathan, I despise my throne and I willingly lay my staff and cloak at your feet. I bow my head to the one who has the heart of God, the anointing, and the favor of God to rule. I'm not jealous ONE BIT! Failure is my enemy, not you. Admittedly, I have some habits and opinions tripping me up, but please believe me, I would consider anything else besides serving God under your leadership, a demotion. My heart is just to do the best job I can. Frankly I'm not really sure what that's supposed to look like. But for me, I don't care if it looks like cooking meals, cleaning up, working 16 hr days, or reading street signs. This isn't like where I was. I was cheating the Kingdom before. This is serving Kingdom. And in the Kingdom, the least is the greatest so why in hell would I jockey for position? And what kind of stupid logic would it be to vie for power to lead when I cannot hear Him like you or demonstrate like you or discern like you? I'm no fool. Besides I love you more than my own life. Every victory you win enriches me. Every accolade, gives ME joy. I'm not always a nice person. My history is being rewritten, but it isn't a nice one. I'm ok with being a little complex and growing. I'm NOT okay with being misunderstood in any regard when it comes to something so vital, however. So, not only do I vow under heaven never to abandon you, but I also vow to support and uphold you as a leader. I publicly and privately recognize the calling and appointment God has given you to command. I will help in that endeavor to the best of my ability now and in the future. May God hold me accountable to my word.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

L'Amour - My Dream (it isn't what you think)

I asked God for a dream. Here's what I dreamed:

The Prince watches her and insults her to get her attention. She reacts and his apology is limp but charming. "It got you over here didn't it. He leans against a trash dumpster, brash, handsome. She was so lucky.

It's a whirlwind romance. He's wonderful-her everything. He teaches her things she never knew. They laugh... a lot. She turns bold. Some say brazen. She doesn't care what they say. She is deliriously happy and feeling quite independent as well.

The wedding day comes. Their behavior shocking, yet dismissed as the power of their great love. They enter the estate by carriage and she wantoning extends one leg in repose. Uncovered. He leans on her.

But the fairytale lives in reality. Cut to a scene where she looks up from a courtyard below to see her husbands two mistresses. You see it was customary for the man to spend the wedding night with many other women, so as not to spend the passions on the more valuable lady of the manor. He might injure her in his pent up lusts released.

And so he chose his first sexual target and began venting his baser animal instincts. The women vied for dibs.

There was a commotion. The wife had tried to expose and interrupt. She enlisted the help of the castle priest who, rather than help the wife, warned the prince of her coming.

The prince exits his concubine long enough to take a hatchet to the chest- heart- of his bride. We, the readers, those in observance are all shocked and deeply disturbed... our sense of injustice aroused... until the prince yells "L'Amour, L'Amour!!" We sigh. Shake our heads and turn away, even the priest. Some watch as a young girl comes to claim and gather the body. She unceremoniously tosses the body in the trash dumpster the prince had once leaned on. It was all very customary. His crime excused of course. Iy was only a case of l'amour. What do you expect from silly women? It wasn't a matter of state or conscience after all.

"Hey! What's wrong with your eye? " The boy shouts, grinning disarmingly. He leans against a dumpster. She reacts annoyed. "Nothing is wrong with my eye!"

"It got you to come over here didn't it?"

She should be impressed. A handsome prince noticed her. She knew what came next. She should be elated.

She wasn't. Rather she went with her gut, threw him a look and went back to playing.

New Company

So our new company got it's EIN Number from the IRS.

I'm really happy about that.

It took us months and months to come up with a name.  Then when we applied the options weren't available. Finally we found one we loved, and they accepted it.

Now what...  I don't know.

Monday, January 28, 2013

New Beginnings... Again

It seems that I reach crossroads at least every 5 feet . Well, that's what it feels like anyway. It leaves 1 feeling somewhat disoriented and little off kilter. But on the other hand there's a certain amount of freedom and knowing that you are taking steps to place your life in God's hands with no attachments and no um and nothing holding you back except your own free will it's at once terrifying and at once exhilarating. I don't know how to reconcile my past my decisions what's going on now and future that looks bright and hopeful so I guess I have to let go of the past and doing that I don't let go of you my loves. Not your spirits... Who were entrusted to me until you could manage. Sometimes I think maybe I did my job too well too quickly. Okay Monday when I felt like my job was done didn't make sense you still little but as I watch you make decisions and guard your hearts you got it I don't doubt that now in my absence from you I pray for you last God's protection over you. Try to stay available to you to talk to and listen. Some of you will have struggles that the others don't. I'll be here to help you through them. But you have a resource,  a friend who is closer than a brother who is better than a mom more protective than a father God promised me that he would take care of you I trust him and I want you to too.

okay so sorry this got a little sappy. I'm using the dictation setting so it's also a mess. But maybe you'll get the gist. I love you. Always.